thischica's Blog

Next year for me will be my deb. Originally i wasn't planning on going to get out of going with this guy who didn't understand personal space and told me too many dirty jokes for me to understand he had a big crush. But then i started being playful with this guy because he locked me out of my emails and eventually we decided to go together. We have arranged to arrive in Harley Davidson just because we can and i think this dude is pretty awesome. As a kid i loved spanish guys and he is spanish, and plays the guitar, and is really smart and funny. I think im going to have a lot of fun for this. Also quite possibly have found Mr Right :)

Which is the better option? Well i say that neither is good by itself and that it why people complain when they have just the one. Sometimes i wonder which i would prefer, if i have to choose. I know which i would prefer if i take a moment to think about it but then its because of my experiences in the area. a love never returned. what about someone that hasn't loved? Then would they choose to love? It all depends on how you see everything.

Love with me
Sometimes i wonder, am i even lovable? All those who do at first run away, they don't stick around to really see me, they see one little aspect that isn't that relevant to my personality and head for the freeway. Sometimes i wonder if my personality is unlovable or those guys are just poo heads. Love when it is in purest form can hurt you, burn you or make you. Loving someone and being loved back has a pretty awesome feeling but when its a one way road it can be devastating. I don't think humans were meant to ever feel this emotion of love, but it seems we have found a way to. Initially it was always about survival and reproduction. which we now like to call a slut or player when, in reality, they are the most true to nature and we are the most off. Society is formed by materialistic obligation and things and even our very being has become that way too. So when people say love is everything it is not true in anyway, feeling cared for is one thing but not love. Love today is confused with lust and has lost its meaning. 

I want to be cared for by a significant other but it seems that day is never to come. The guy i like has no interest in me, the guy i trusted to be eachothers source of entertainment has reached his course and nothing i say interests him. The only one i have are my best of friends and dad. perhaps i am meant to be an independent dog lady, but is that so bad? My own confusion ceases to be settled.